When I originally created this blog a few years ago, I wanted to share about health and wellness, and how others could find the success I had found by changing my diet and getting healthy.
But, then I hit some bumps in my road, and completely lost my way. There are too many details to sum up in this one post, but let me just say that I felt like a failure at this healthy living mantra I’d been declaring. I had messed up and in a short period of time, all the progress I had made completely unraveled.
One night I sat down to try to write a blog post but was completely uninspired, and I began to read the ones I’d already written. Some of them were pretty darn good, but yet I wasn’t feeling authentically in that place anymore, and with the stroke of a key, I erased them all.
For several months, I’ve been pondering this blog and how I want to reshape it. Because the nagging truth is, I’m a writer and I find my best expression through writing. I need to write about things because that’s how I best work through them.
I’ve had to come to the realization that what was working for me before, was not quite right for my forward movement. Somewhere along the way through the maze of life’s challenging circumstances, and living for years going against the grain of what fits me, I just got tired. Tired of trying. Tired of fixing. Just Tired.
When I’m tired of the fight, I turn to food. When my heart hurts, I turn to food. When I’m angry, … well, I think you see the pattern here. Food is my crack. It’s what I turn to for comfort and numbing when I don’t want to (or don’t know how to) face what’s going on inside.
But, today, I come back to this blog — this space where I always wanted to be true to myself, but had only dared to share the very best parts — and now I choose to give you the honest, vulnerable, unsure, and messy version. See, I realize I have to put away the obsessing perfectionist version and just let the writing be what it is in this moment. Because it matters. The mess is part of the message, or there wouldn’t be one to tell.
There are plenty of blogs out there to tell you the 5 benefits of lemon juice, or the 10 facts about this or that health miracle. But, here in this space, I long to go deeper than that. I want to allow room for the restorative and healing power of Grace. I need it. We all need it. And, of course, add a good dose of Greens in the mix, and the body gets well, too!
I finally realize that I don’t have to have it all together to have something worth sharing. Last night I came across a couple of videos by Brené Brown about vulnerability, and it went deep into my heart like an arrow. They were the words I needed to hear, to get me unstuck. Thank you, Brené!
(Unfortunately, the video is no longer available so I can’t share it with you).
So, I’m here again. No fanfare or agenda. Just seeing where this goes. ♥